Yes of course the title is tongue in cheek; I was just trying to think of something suitably eye catching. My wife’s employer has (somewhat unusually) had her in working for a few hours yesterday and today, so I was left to my own devices to rattle around the house for a while.
Not literally rattle, obviously.
Anyway, this morning when she was about to leave the house, I was finishing off in the shower when she came in to say she was about to go. As I was drying myself with a towel, I draped it suggestively around my muscular, Adonis-like body (some of this might be a work of fiction…), looked her in the eyes and purred “I’ll be waiting…”, while raising my eyebrows in true “Carry On….” fashion…
only for her to look me up and down a bit, walk away and proclaim… “I’d rather you were waiting with a cup of tea!”
Charming! Needless to say, when she came home I really gave it to her.
The freshly brewed tea, I mean…
Related to this, these came to mind while I was indeed wandering from room to room, rattling around the house on my own…
10 Things I Only Do When Home Alone
(minds out of the gutter please, it’s not that kind of list!).
Leave the toilet seat up. It feels like a huge victory just to walk away knowing I left the seat…UP and ain’t nobody telling me off! Sorry ladies, most of us do this at some point when you’re not about. Probably.
Conversely, on other days put the seat back DOWN without thinking. Having been so conditioned over the years into thinking this was the right thing to do, I now do it when I don’t have to (I bet we all do this too). I think this is called brainwashing. Perhaps we need a deputation to the European Court of Human Rights. Unless that’s presided over by a woman in which case we will undoubtedly lose.
Talk to myself. Sometimes in a foreign or silly accent. I don’t sit and think “I’m going to put on a silly voice”, it just happens. I can make myself toast and ramble away having a conversation with myself in a strange voice about what I want on my toast. Today it was a conversation in a thick Brummie accent about soup…
Watch my sanity fly out of the window (especially on days when I talk to myself about soup).
Sing. Sometimes quite loudly. When I really shouldn’t. Chairs squeaking as they’re dragged across a wooden floor are more tuneful than my singing, truly.
Notice just HOW attractive that unopened packet of biscuits that's been sat in the cupboard more than a week is looking today... Which leads inevitably onto…
OPEN that unopened packet of biscuits that’s been sat…etc…etc…. And then…
Resort to the eating habits I had as a single person over 35 years ago, eat far too many biscuits and feel a bit sick shortly after.
Say a small prayer that the item I bought off ebay last week arrives so I can unpack it and pretend it was ALWAYS THERE.
High five the air when I spy the postman walking up the drive bearing said item. Get funny looks from the postman when I open the door…
That’s probably quite enough of that nonsense for now.
In other news, I am probably going to move across some of the posts from my old blog into Substack so they’re not lost forever. Some of them no doubt deserve to be(!) and will quietly disappear but there are some I would like to keep. These probably will NOT come as emails to you unless I update them and post them as new posts but WILL be on my Substack site anyway, in chronological order before these newer ones - I’m conscious you may well have read them before and I have no wish to clog up your inbox. But I may well post a news item pointing at them at the bottom of a new post or something for any new readers.
In the meantime, have a good week!
You are not alone in your many "when alone" activities.
Trust me 😉😉😉
Ah, found the comments box thing, now I can heckle you with witty comments, once I have found my book of witty comments